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Manny's Law: Trilogy

Rookie linebacker Manny Lawson had a few items troubling him this week, and he opted to unload them on the public in this latest edition of Manny's Law - The Trilogy.


Thighs, that's what I want to talk about first. My thighs rub against each other and there is a solution to this. I must tell this to the world because it's the greatest solution of all. It stops the friction – baby powder, probably one of the best products every made because when you your thighs are inseparable, that's rough. I went one day without putting baby powder in between my thighs, and I did not want to walk ever again.

I actually went on a testing spree. I tried baby oil, baby powder, lotion, petroleum jelly, that's just nasty by the way, but baby powder, you feel fine. I've got six bottles, one here in my locker room, one in my book bag, and one in each of my bathrooms at my house, and two stored away for when I run out.

My thighs have been rubbing together for YEARS but I really wanted to share the solution with the world. It works, although you must reapply every time you really sweat or take a shower.

Another problem that I've noticed is gnats. I'm thinking those have to be the worst bugs in the world. Not only are they disgusting because they are everywhere, but how does a gnat get into your eye? This happened to me at practice today. It makes you never want to ride a bike ever again. I couldn't see anything, and then it's even worse when you swallow a gnat through your nose, that's the worst. That's one of the creatures that I can deal without.

My good buddy Marcus Hudson just came in and he agrees.

"What purpose do they serve," Marcus just asked. "Here's a tip, gnats don't stay in the street, they stay in the grass. So walk in the street."

So I say to him, "Then you have to dodge cars like you are playing dodge ball!"

"Yeah, but at least you can see and not have to worry about having a gnat in your eye and your fast, you can dodge them," he said.

And that's why we are friends. He gets my irritation with gnats.

Bills is another thing. Why must we have them? I want to know if I have a water and electric bill at my new house because I've never even seen one. I didn't talk to anyone to turn it on either. They were already on. Maybe if I don't say anything, I won't ever get a bill.

I really didn't know anything about being the NFL Rookie of the Week until they told me but I'm glad to know that people voted for me. Thank you everyone for the gracious votes I received. I don't know by how much I won, but I was told it was by a pretty high number.

Chad Williams made me wear a Southern Miss hat because they won against my school and I'm very upset over this. I mean, how is that right? We beat them when I was there. Is it right for me to make him and TJ Slaughter wear hats? I don't think so, but they were really excited about seeing me and Hudson wearing Southern Miss hats. I didn't even know they make them, but that's fine, I wore it. If we ever play them again, I'm going to have them decked out in everything - shoes, shorts, wristbands, and a hat, a big NC State hat.

I got two sacks in the game that I was really excited about, but they are what Brandon Moore calls gimme sacks. Me, I like to say I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. I can't help it if he's running away from Jeff Ulbrich and he runs into me and I get the sack. I think I just happened to be at the right spot. On the other one, there was great coverage from my DB's, a good six, seven seconds and I saw an opening and the quarterback decided to fall on me again. Luck just happened to be in my favor. Brandon is just so angry, he's giving me a hard time about it. I personally think that the Buddha is working for me. Coming down the stairs, I rub his head first, belly last and going upstairs, belly first, head last. That's instant good luck.

My sister came to the game. She swears up and down that fortune was kind to me because she was there. The funny thing is that she kids around to this day that one day she's going to be older than me. This started when we were young and she always says I can't wait till I'm older than you. I'm a year and a half older than she is. She's crazy, obviously. On top of that, I think she's adopted and I'm trying to out her of the family. I'm going to be the only child one day, as soon as I get my mom and my dad to disown her. Why do I want to disown her you might ask? Let me tell you about it.

First, she's always trying to beat on me. I swear she took boxing because she has the quickest right kidney jab and it hurts, and then she laughs. But she took advantage of me this weekend. I pick her up and take her to get something to eat and bring her to my house. Then she says, "I'm sleeping here," and she takes my room. She really kicked me out of my own room. I had to go to practice and I come back and she's put a note up on my bedroom door that read "do not come in." So, I'm out sleeping on the couch in the living room and she comes out in my robe and my slippers, touches my Buddha, ate all of my cereal, and tells me not to make too much noise that she's watching a movie on my TV, in MY ROOM.

The Eagles, there's just so many weapons I could be here talking all night about their weapons and I'd need my psychology chair for that. Brian Westbrook, how do you contain someone that fast? And his offensive line, it is so big. Donovan, he might be my nightmare this week. But I'm ready.

What's after a trilogy? – I guess we'll find out in my next column.

  • Cheers, Manny Lawson
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