Manny's Law: Surviving a Horror Flick

By now, you all know him - linebacker Manny Lawson. So, without further ado, here's his latest Manny's Law column....

This week we've switched up our training to be more position specific. I think the training on Tuesday was very good because I had a lot of fun, and I learned a lot. All the linebackers were out there running around dropping in coverage and working on our reads, breathing hard, with sweat on our brow, and the wind blowing through our shirts. Did I mention breathing hard? We were really focusing on all of the techniques and skills that will enable us to get our job done. Jeff Ulbrich participated in everything versus just standing there so I can't necessarily call him a drill sergeant, but he was a very active coach really getting after us and leading our group. He made certain we did not miss anything on our workout card.

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We also had a session with Coach Singletary and I think it'll help me a lot more than maybe the rest of the guys since they've known him and have done the drops and the step replace and those things before with him. This being my first time being around for this type of off-season work, I think it will really boost my play ability and will take me way up yonder.

I had a fun experience on Monday trying to bowl and I ended up getting a gutter ball but in the lane next to me. How I did that, I don't know, but I laughed hysterically at it. It wasn't even when we were playing for style points which would have gotten me a whole lot of them. Marcus Hudson and I really decided to compete very seriously in our last final two games and he beat me both times. Then, on the way home he remixed the song "This Woman's Work" by Maxwell and made it all about bowling and how he won and how I need to get better. It was a whole lot of trash talk. It kind of threw me off for a little bit. I don't think I like Maxwell anymore.

Now, this is totally random but I want to talk about how to survive being in a horror film because I was thinking, what if I was in a horror movie? How long would I either get fired or how fast would I immediately get to safety? This came about because a good friend of mine told me she was an extra in a horror film. I think it was a 70s or 80s horror film and I got to thinking what if I was in one.

Well, if I was in a horror movie I would advise everyone to follow me and do exactly what I do because I know. I know if you hear music as you are walking in a certain direction and it's not a happy type of go lucky music and it's like a horror music, then slowly back up and walk away from the music. If the music is getting louder, the monster is over there. So, walk away from the music. That's lesson number one.

Number Two: Let's just say there is no music. Surround yourself with a bunch of people, preferably those who are not as strong or as fast as you because really and truly those who are not friends or family members are victims. Get yourself a weak link and you might have to let them get taken out for your greater good.

Number Three: Stay away from houses that aren't well lit. Dark, old, spooky house - you really don't want to go in there. So, avoid those at all times, as well as dark alleys and dark streets. Stay in the light.

Number Four: If you have a choice of who the villain or monster is that can chase you, choose someone like Jason. To this day, I don't see how Jason caught up with all of those people who were running from him and he was walking. I'm sorry, if I'm running, and you are walking, you are not catching me. That still baffles me to this day. So, he'd be my monster of choice.

Number Five: When it comes to hiding, closets aren't good. Everyone checks the closet first. For some reason, that's the first place everyone hides though. Underneath the bed isn't good either. I'm thinking right behind the door, no don't do that, because if they turn around after they come through the door, you will be the first person to get got. I think someplace near a window so you have two exit routes is the best choice. Also, don't hide with someone who makes a lot of noise and doesn't know how to be quiet. That will get you found and that's just the worst. Back in hide and go seek, there was always that person who was very fidgety or breathed hard. Don't hide with someone like that. You do not want to do that.

Number Six: Weapons. In all of these horror films, you see everyone with machetes and shotguns and flame throwers and grenades and what not. I'm partial to a long stick and some rocks, something that I can get some distance from whoever is after me. It's not about killing them. It's just getting them tired of chasing me until they want to chase someone else. Throw a rock here and there, aim for an eye if you have good aim. Use the stick for distance and poke them and then go run and find another stick. There are sticks everywhere.

Number Seven: In reference to number two, when you find your close knit group where everyone is on the same page, such as if one runs, everyone else runs in the same direction with no questions being asked. Well, when you find that group, share your plan and information with them. As far as sharing it with everyone else, I'm not too sure because someone always messes it up and they are usually the one who you don't care if they croak or not. So don't have bad judgment by including those types in your group.

Number Eight: The Grand Finale. Despite what I mentioned in six as far as weapons, whenever you have the monster at its weakest state, do not hesitate. Do not look into the camera and tell everyone what you are about to do. That just gives the little monster more time to recuperate and that's usually when the good person gets got. I don't understand that. When he's in his weakest state, take him out. Don't talk about it, don't think about it, just do it.

So that's the end of this horror session which has nothing to do with anything other than it was on my mind, which is a free flowing work of art. I'm like Picasso, just without a paint brush.

Till Next Time, and oh, don't forget to check out www.49ersfaithful.net. Join me and my good friend Marcus Hudson as members!

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